Shy or Withdrawn Behavior as Destructive or Maladaptive. Hundreds of
thousands of teens are bullied every day. Bullying has everyone worried,
not just the kids on its receiving end. Yet because parents, teachers,
and other adults don't always see it, they may not understand how
extreme bullying can get.
Social withdrawal is fear of, or withdrawal from, people or
social situations. Shyness becomes a problem when it interferes with
relationships with others, in social situations, or other aspect's of a
child's life. Problems with shyness are usually evident by the time a
child is three years old.
The shy/withdrawn adolescent may have major conflicts and issues
but nobody knows. In fact, sometimes parents are not able to detect the
internal storm or struggle in the shy or withdrawn, largely due to an
external calm.
Shy and withdrawn teens are oftentimes highly sensitive to their
immediate environment. Parents thus need to be available and consistent
in their actions. Many adolescents lack an internal structure for
control and find it difficult to focus on a consistent and constructive
problem-solving plan. Parents can help by providing meaningful
structure..
Unfortunately, teens may not have the self-awareness to recognize
how their detachment and withdrawal can stimulate frustration and even
anger in parents. At the same time, they need a strong relationship with
a trusting adult. By learning more about how shy/withdrawn behavior in
teens occurs via assessment, parents and practitioners can learn how to
treat its negative aspects.
Assessment: One way to conceptualize shy/withdrawn behavior is to
view a teen as "internalizing" his difficulties by becoming preoccupied
or self-conscious. This type of behavior is often contrasted with the
sometimes more obvious "externalizing" problems of an outgoing, direct
teen who is busy stealing cars, drinking and causing trouble for others.
Common Reasons for Shyness and Withdrawal:
1) Self-consciousness (related to appearance, behavior)
2) Under-developed social skills
3) Substance abuse
4) Underlying feelings of insecurity and/or inadequacy
5) Significant introversion with ambivalent emotions
6) Identity confusion or uncertainty
In assessing your teen, look at whether or not your child is
compliant or defiant, reserved or outgoing, routine or spontaneous. The
shy/withdrawn teen will tend toward compliance, be reserved and prefer
routine. He/she may move away or avoid others when difficulties arise.
At times, withdrawn behavior can take on the role of indirect (sometimes
passive-aggressive) anger.
